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| Monday, February 27th, 2006 | | 9:50 pm |
| | Friday, December 16th, 2005 | | 10:36 pm |
And so the countdown begins :)
Don't know if anyone even reads this anymore since I have been slacking on posting...but regardless here is what is new in my life: Got accepted into grad school at Chatham College here in Pittsburgh. Start classes in January. The best part of it is they accepted 2 classes from undergrad so thats six less credits to worry about, and the way their classes are set up I will have my MBA by this time next year!!!! Now, I just need to figure out how to pay for it :( As far as relationships go I am still single. Maybe someday I will find a man for me, but I am begining to accept that I will live the rest of my life alone. Going to be in Mass for Chirstmas and New Years. Very excited to see everyone up there, not excited about spending that much time with the fam. Will definately need a vacation from my vacation, too bad that's not till March! Should have bought my dress for Ashley's wedding a month ago, but she is being surprising very good about it. I think she knows I really don't have $175 for it. I will be very happy once she is married and stops calling with wedding questions. I love her, but my patience is wearing....will need lots of alcohol for the whirl wind wedding planning day she has me for when I am home. Work sucks as usual. They are moving the office to the other side of Pittsburgh in two weeks so things are extra crazy busy these days. Plan to quit after I get back from Christmas. There is no way I can make that commute every day...I wont be able to make it to class on time and school is defiantely more important right now. Only 1 week till Christmas!!!! | | Thursday, November 3rd, 2005 | | 9:29 pm |
I miss Marci. It sucks cuz she is never going to come visit me. Something about not having the time or the money. My family was suppost to come out for thanksgiving. Thats not happening now. I hate how they always let me down. I should know better that to expect anything from them, its not like any of them will ever come back to visit, see the apartment done and all the stuff they didnt get to see before. I am feeling very unwanted today :( Current Mood:  sore | | Wednesday, August 31st, 2005 | | 9:16 pm |
wish you were here...
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. i really wish you could be here. you deserve this soo much more than i do, and its not the same without you! Current Mood:  sick | | Wednesday, August 24th, 2005 | | 8:03 pm |
picking roses in the park
so i have been in a fabulous mood lately, such a good mood that even a trip home could not get me down. i know its been awhile since i have updated so here is a brief summary~ work sucks more than ever. it was really great to have 4 days off. i got denied a promotion which my boss told me to apply for and basically said i had. there is soo much petty drama there it is awful. had a good weekend the weekend before last- went out dancing and got to be crazy bit. you know that girl who only comes out once in a very rare while. went home to mass this past weekend. saw soo many people, which was good. its funny how you have those friends who you dont see for years and then you can see them and pick up right where you left off. thats the way it was with one of my friends who i have known since elementary school- we hung out and its like i had just seen her the day before. ashley dragged me dress shopping. she found her dress, the moment she put it on she started to ball. the poor lady at the dress shop thought she had hurt her! she also picked a dress for me-its gonna cost me $170 and i have to order it by january cuz its gonna take 6 months to come in. i am so worried they are fonna break up and i am going to be stuck with this really expensive nonreturnable dress. tho the dress is pretty for a fancy maid of honor dress. shelah and i hung out last nite and we went to the park as usual. the bad thing about going to the park after it closes is the ducks are all asleep. we got chased my the security guy again. anyone know what they would charge you with for breaking into the park after closing? well thats basically the sum of my life these days. theres alot more, but i dont feel like putting it in here. those of you who know me already know the details. Current Mood:  happy | | Thursday, July 14th, 2005 | | 9:20 pm |
Did you cry I know I did when I lied to you I didnt want to hurt you I just never knew I did...
So my dad called me tonight and this is how the conversation went- dad-"your sister mentioned something the other night about your credit card then ran out of the room, do you want to tell me whats going on?" me-"i paid the bill the other day so she is all set, no worries." dad-"what about you, are you all set or do you owe on it?" me-"i still owe, but i'm working on it, i have it under control." dad-"is it bad and would you tell me if you didnt?" me-"no, its not bad and yes dad of course" dad-"just remember i love you." so the truth is i have maxed out both of my credit cards and i am about $5000 in debit. i have no money and am making very little money. might get my phone shut off cuz i cant pay the bill, and dont really know what to do. but i cant tell my dad the truth. how could i have told him that in less than two years i hve fucked my credit up all over again. lying to him never hurt so much before, must be maturity :( i really need some chearing up right now, and some good advise. i dont know what to do! Current Mood:  depressed | | Friday, July 8th, 2005 | | 6:05 pm |
shadows on the wall, voices in my head these are the days i dread
i know it has been awhile since the last time i updated so here is whats been happening: i am no longer moving to dc. not really sure where i will be living. most likely will stay in pittsburgh. kinda out of money and seriously in debt. i need to find a new job where i actually make enough money to pay my bills and where i dont get treated like shit. contemplating going back to waitressing i just wish it wasnt so damn painful of a profession. kathy came to visit last weekend. that girl is a sweatheart, but i can not take her for more than a short period of time. she drove me nutty and we werent speaking my the time she left. well i should write more, i am just tired. its been a long week at work this week. i'm so boring these days! | | Monday, May 30th, 2005 | | 8:32 pm |
Life changing decisions in 20 minutes...
I think I am moving to DC. Alan and I decided today. Just waiting to hear back from one friend. Why is it that all my major life decisions are just instantly decided. Sooo excited, so much to think about. My brain is going crazy. Good thing is DC has gotten my head off of random hookups my cell phone and freaking out about going home this weekend. Time for tator tots!!! | | 1:18 pm |
In the land of sharks and sea turtles I am tried of being a sea turtle!
Ok, so why is my life never drama free? I broke my cell phone having sex with the cute neighbor on my birthday. When I took it to the store to get it fixed the guy accused me of abuse and neglect, like I was a bad parent or something. Apparently, physical damage is not covered under the warenty so my warently is now useless. Anyway, since I was an AT&T customer and they merged with Cingular I have to sign a whole new contract in order to get a new phone. But apparently my old AT&T contract still valid even tho it is usless and it is going to cost me $175 to get out of it. I dont have that much money, I can barely afford to buy a new phone. But I dont want to sign a Cingular contract since the people there pissed me off so fuckin much. Anyway, I have to go watch the Mummy, because it is confusing me. According to Alan every movie confuses me. I think it is because I dont have the patience to wait and see what happens so the movie makes sence. Current Mood:  sleepy | | Thursday, May 26th, 2005 | | 6:00 pm |
another episode in my crazy mixed up life
shelah came to visit for my birthday. she was here monday to wednesday. it was so great to see her. when i came home from work on tuesday (my birthday) she had decorated my apartment with balloons and streamers and confetti, it was sooo cute. on my birthday (the big 22) i got really drunk on blue lemonaid and shots with my georgous neighbor across the hall. ended up hooking up with him that night. course there was drama like there always is. probably is best if he and i are just friends. he is damn fine tho, and a good kisser. i saw him today. i dont think he remembers anything from that night. he was more drunk than me. the cool thing is i was up for 22 hours on my 22 birthday. i couldnt have done better if i had planned it. work still sucks as usual. my boss gave me the best birthday gift tho. it was so me. she gave me this really nice national geographic photo book, it has these amaizing pictures from all around the world. i love it. its the best gift i have ever gotten from an employer before. thank god the weekend is almost here. maybe going to see social distorition, my chemical romance and a bunch of other bands tomorrow night. melody hasnt made up her mind yet. saturday night i am going to see raskel flats with alan, its my birthday present. maybe i can sore me a cowboy for a quick ride! well still feeling like shit. i dont know why but everyone at work thinks i am pregenant because i am sick. oye, thats the last thing i need. the rumor going around today was that i was having a girl! funny thing is they dont know, but the father would be MIS guys (they were trying to guess who the father is- i said i was single, which is true)....yeah, kinda would definately loose my job over it. oh well, lets just pray they dont jinx me. Current Mood: sleepy | | Sunday, May 15th, 2005 | | 3:08 pm |
happy talking talking, happy talk
in other news today, i am finally sick of my aim not working. it was nice not having to talk to anyone, no annoying ims. (not that i dont love talking to everyone) well i am finally ready to talk to people again. now, i just have to figure out how to fix it. it works for like 5 minutes then freezes up and is "not responding". oye, i hope it is not another virus. i did virus scan and it did not find anything, but you never know. Current Mood:  okay | | 10:02 am |
I hope your sitting down when you read this.....
I rock star girl bit went to a country concert last night. Yes, I saw Tracy Clark, Brad Paisley and Reba. It wasnt all that bad, and I did find a way to appreciate it....COW BOYS! I have to say country people are way more boring then others. There was no mosh pit, no one got beat up or arrested. People were drunk, but I missed that cloud of pot smoke drafting up from the crowd. And the artists...well they just sing the music. No stoping mid song with a cute story or crowd interaction. I actually had to question if they were singing or lip sinking. It was fun listening to rock music in the car and laughing at all the drunk hicks playing in the rain. Anyway..I am off to the whole foods store to find myself again, well actually to find some sea salts because my navel ring is soooo infected and keeps bleeding at random moments. Current Mood: happy | | Monday, May 2nd, 2005 | | 9:06 pm |
Embrase your dark side...
I am tied of being in pain. I am tired of having to take handfulls of pain killers for the pain. I am tired of my pain killers not working. And, I am tired of being a bitch because of the pain. So I am sorry if I am snappy, and short and mean...but really I can't do this anymore. Got a long day at work. I shouldnt complain cuz I get overtime pay. It's funny my boss asked if I wanted to do overtime this week and I was like yeah I can do it tomorrow since I was suppost to be working the late shift. She was soo thankful and I just laughed. Come on I am desperate for money. I just keep remembering Shelah is coming for my birthday and that makes me happy. It's something to look forward to. I just hope she doesnt let me down too. Is it the weekend yet? Current Mood: sore | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 7:42 pm |
somedays i hate my family.......
so yesterday my mom called to tell me that her cat was sick. her cat was sick and she was spending $2,000 to get it fixed. something to do with its eye and it had to have emergency surgey on a weekend by a feline optomolgist. yeah, she kicked me out because i cost her to much money yet she will spend $2,000 on a fucking cat!!!! a cat which when she first got she wanted to have put down rather than take to the vet. and to make matters worse, my dad tells me today that those nice checks he has been sending me monthly without my moms knowledge (i love my dad!) will not be coming anymore sence he has to give her money for the cat. and that includes the tax return check he was suppost to send me 2+ weeks ago! my family likes the cat more than me. wow i feel loved! Current Mood: sick | | Sunday, April 24th, 2005 | | 12:54 am |
very very happy......
so the green day concert rocked!!!!! i was really bummin before, and thinking that i wouldnt go. i am soo sick, and there are these sharp pains that go from my throat and up my ear. but i am soo happy i went. i was one of those annoying people who scream and sing along to every song. and i am soo going to regret it tomorrow. they put on an amaizing show, with great pirotecnics,and sang all my favorite songs. they even sang the songs from dookie which i used to listen to in high school when i would drive around with the windows open and green day playing in my lumina. i wish you everyone could have been there to see the smile on my face, and how excited i was. i havent been that happy in a very long time. yay, yay, yay!!!!!!! Current Mood: happy | | Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 | | 9:41 pm |
yay for working near the park!!!!
i realized today that my work in downtown is near the park! guess where i went today.....yep you got it- the park and dunkin donuts for an iced mocha latte! the good news is i am down to two packs on ciggeretts left. i dont know if that is good or bad cuz it means i am smoking today. oh well i will worry about it tomorrow. i saw a boy that i all but fucked at sancturay, today in the grocery store. i think he recongized me. i just walked right by him tho. what do you say to a guy you more than make out with in a club then give the wrong phone number to. the sad part is the only reason i recongized him is that he was wearing the same shirt! | | Tuesday, April 12th, 2005 | | 10:07 pm |
happy birthday shelly
today would have been shelly's 22 birthday. i was having a good day today, then after i realized that and everything just felt wrong. i guess i am not over it yet, i still miss her sooo much. i am sitting here on my floor unscrewing a picture frame so i can read the note she wrote on the back of the picture. i was sitting outside thinking about her when alan came out and lit the lanterns. the candles and the stars reminded me soo much of her, i couldnt handle it. when she "got better" her family redid her bedroom for her with stars and moons everywhere cuz she loved them so much. she made me sneek up there and look at it for her, and make sure she would like it. she would have loved it. she was never well enough to climb the stairs and she never saw it. she died two months later. this is a repost from august 23, 2003: Shelly I am finally ready to write about her, and her is what I wrote. When i look back on my life, i see the people who have helped me become me. it was the strenght and love they gave to me, that helps me still to survive. And when i look back through these times, her face i see strong and true... she was a fighter. she knew how to care, laugh and love. and no matter what obsticle came her way, she would not give up. she was a fighter! there are angels sent from above, here to help and befriend us, although you never realize, until they are gone. and, i remember every time i looked at her, i could see, her glowing spirit in her eyes. she was a fighter. she knew how to care, laugh and love. and no matter what obsticle came her way, she would not give up. she was a fighter! one day, she explained to me, my life. i just wish she was here, to say it again. yet though i miss her, i know she is still with us now, an angel, watching from above. there are some people in this world, although you know them for far to short, that touch your life forever. and because she is one, I'm glad i knew her. she was a fighter. she knew how to care, laugh and love. and no matter what obsticle came her way, she would not give up. she was a fighter! and she will always be my friend, for it is because of her i can say... i am a fighter. she taught me how to care, laugh and love. and no matter what obsticle may come my way, i will not give up. because of her, i am a fighter! Current Mood: sad | | Monday, April 11th, 2005 | | 10:05 pm |
where do bad girls go when they die?
i have been thinking about my life alot lately. when i am sober and obviously from my previous entry when i am drunk. it used to be that i was able to be happy all the time, then i was aleast a happy drunk, now it seems i have lost that to. for 20+ years i had a purpose for my life, stupid and cheezy it may have been but it was a purpose. now, have i spent the last 7 months trying to find out what my purpose is, why i am here and i am coming up empty. i learned how to live or rather how to survive at an early age. now it seems i have to learn all over again. but this time i have to learn for real. its funny how i finally get to be truely happy and truely free, and it is the one thing i cannot seem to do. a person can stand in a crowded room and feel totally alone. these days that person is me. is it wrong to want to go back to the way things were. at least my life made sence then. but no i dont really want to go back, cuz no matter how shitty things are no they were way worse then. i just wish i could find my way. cuz really these days i am just a girl who lives to the extremes, and i need to give those up. | | Sunday, April 10th, 2005 | | 2:23 am |
tired of everything, tired of this. my life sucks, and i am sick of dealing. what is the point anymore? seriously kids! | | Thursday, March 31st, 2005 | | 6:02 pm |
only a few more hours to go....
i love getting unexpected packages. i love even more when people know just how to chear me up when i am upset. when i got home from work today there was a package here from shelah!!!! she is so cute she sent me the mary poppins soundtrack with the nicest note that said i hope you dont already have this (which i didnt). so now i am listening to it, and it makes me smile. it was and still is soo beutiful out today. they said it was suppost to rain, but its not rainey yet. the sun is shinning and i am in the best of moods. it is funny how much better the world looks when the sun is shinning. dont get me wrong i love the rain, expecially when i can go outside and play in it. but there is something about the sun-expecially after a long cold winter. the nice weather is making all the cute people come out of my apartment complex. who knew so many cute people lived near me! well i guess i should go make dinner. this whole updating in the middle of the day thing is wierd. i have so much left to do, but since i am updating i feel like the day is over. Current Mood:  giddy |
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